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 Fanfiction: A Parody

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Ravenclaw
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Posts : 4574
Join date : 2010-02-21
Age : 25
Location : A hole in the bottom of the sea.
House : Ravenclaw and Burkenshire

PostSubject: Fanfiction: A Parody   Mon Jun 17, 2013 5:08 am

This is basically just me mocking really awful fanfiction.  Enjoy!


Junk of the Heart by katarama
One Direction (Band)
No Archive Warnings Apply, omg, so sad, depression, angst, boys, boys in love!, swearing, unhappiness, one shot, 1D, Larry Stylinson
I am so bad at summaries, but this fic is really good and you should read it!! I promise it is like ten times better than this summary but anyway Harry and Louis are in love but management is making them hide it and it is making Louis depressed! And that is not all but just read the fic now lol
 
Harry and Louis had known each other three years now and they spent all their time together and they were always clinging to each other and hugging each other in public. And that clinging turned into kissing and it had turned into love.  They were SO happy together, because they had their boys and their music and their love and sometimes they’d sneak around in each others hotel rooms and have lots of sweet, passionate sex. 
 
But they were in a boyband and they wanted to sell lots of records in America and so management kept yelling at them and telling them they had to stop hugging each other and biting each other so much in public.  Americans were against gays, and they did not want to seem gay because they wouldn’t sell records. “Louis and Harry,” they said “to make sure no one thinks you are gay you need to date girls, so Louis you will date Eleanor and Harry you will date Taylor Swift.”
 
When they got back to their hotel room Harry started to cry, his bright green eyes shining like emeralds coated in clear finger nail polish dipped in salt water. He buried his head in Louis’ chest and sobbed, and Louis patted him on his head and ran his hands through harry’s chocolate brown curls.  “Harreh calm down it’s not real. We don’t have to really date the girls we just have to make it seem like we are. No one will ever think you like taylor swift she’s always dating a zillion guys anyway.” “But Loueh” Harry said through his tears, his voice wrecked and tired and Louis wanted to hug him and pull him close because his Curly should never have to be so upset it wasn’t fair.  “I don’t want to date Taylor Swift. I want to date you, just you, and I want us to come out.”  Louis looked sad too “But harry, if we don’t do what management says we’ll never sell in America.  We have to pretend to date these girls or we’ll hurt the boys too and I don’t want to do that because they shouldn’t have to sufer because we were selfish.”
 
Harry sniffled and looked up his angelic face all blotchy red with tears and his eyes rimmed red.  “Yeah your right Boo Bear but I’m only gonna pretend for a bit okay? I can’t do this.”
 
The two boys pretended to date the girls. They took them out and they got their pictures taken and the media posted all over the gossip websites that Louis and Eleanor and Harry and Taylor were dating, though the fans on tumblr were smart and they didn’t believe it but that’s okay because they support Harry and Louis in their ilicit love anyway. And it was good for a while because Harry and Louis didn’t actually like the girls they just love each other, but then they couldn’t spend as much time together because they always had to go and have the paparazzi take their pictures with the girls and so they didn’t ever see each other and they hadn’t had sex in like three weeks!!! And the other boys could tell they were really unhappy and Zayn was really worried because he had never seen them that quiet and sad and so he asked Harry what was wrong but Harry wouldn’t tell him.
 
And so Zayn and the other boys distracted management and got Harry and Louis in the same room so they could talk things over and harry started to cry, “Lou boo I can’t do this I hate this so much can we just come out? I am so hurt and I hate this and the fans are being mean about Taylor and I don’t even love her!” Louis agreed “yeah I mean Eleanor is nice ubt the fans are being real mean to her and I don’t love her eather I just love you harry I will love you always okay? No matter what I will always love you and I want to go get married.”
 
“But loueh!’ harry started “what about the other boys this will be bad for them and then the fans will know our management was lying and that would be bad!  I know you are scared of coming out and I don’t want you to be scared I want you to be happy!!!”  “But harry!” Louis said and his voice was deep and concerned and FILLED WITH EMOTION “I love you and I am not happy because I cannot have you and be out in public and I would do anything for you even if it means facing my fears and we will talk to the other 1D members but I am sure they will support us to because we are like brothers.” “Yeah your right” harry agreed “now can we make out because we havne’t had sex in so long and I miss your sexy body and your beautiful blue eyes and your pudgy little tummy I love you so much boo bear.” 
 
The Doncaster boy’s eyes shown with his love for the Cheshire boy. “I love you so much Haz let’s have sex right here on the floor of the studio okay” “Yeah.”
 
And they had lots of hot sex like REALLY hot sex.  Harry was already getting hard from having Louis there and looking at him and wanting him so badly and no one had ever wanted him like Louis he had a hungry look in his eyes and harry felt himself shiver and soon they were kissing so passionately and Louis’ tongue entered harry’s mouth and harry moaned because Louis tasted so good and he had missed it a lot.
 
And they were moving against each other and the way harry was moving his hips was sinful and beautiful and Louis was struck by how much he loved the curly-haired boy. So he started to dominate harry and he shoved him onto the ground on top of some sheet music for their new album which is coming out in December.
 
harry was gasping because the smaller boy had him pinned to the ground and he was panting “Loueh, I’m going to cum!” “then cum harreh I want to see you now I love you so much you are so sexy” and he hit that bundle of nerves and harry gasped and he and Louis and Harry came at the same time because they have a very deep bond with their penises.
 
And the other boys walked in and they weren’t weirded out by harry and Louis naked on the floor because harry was always naked anyway and he and Louis were a big fan of p.d.a. but anyway, Zayn said “are you two doing better now did you fuck the tension out?” and Liam said, “Zayn no cussing!” The Bradford boy just shrugged and Harry and Louis met eyes and their gaze conveyed a million trillion messages and they turned to the other boys. “We want to come out even though our record label doesn’t want us to and they want us to date girls because it looks good for America” and the other boys just smiled and said, “Okay, yeah, that’s cool, your way more important to us than money we’re loke brothers!!!!!”
 
And they stood up to their management and dumped the girls and came out to the fans and there were some really stupid people on twitter who were mean but everyone else was really supportive and the fans all still loved them and they got number one in America anyway! So their record label didn’t care anyway and their management told them they were right all along.
 
And harry and Louis adopted a baby boy and 1D became the best-selling band in the world.
 

The end.

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